Life & Death

The funeral is at 1pm and at 12.50 I'm rushing out of my office knowing that I was not going to make it to church on time. I arrived 15mins past the hour and the parking lot was packed.  I've not seen it like this on any given Sunday!  Lucky I was driving the BMW so I could squeeze in between a truck and SUV to park.  Quietly I enter the church, made sure my cell was switched to vibrate mode and took a place behind.  From my stand, I saw a sea of people, knowing some had come from overseas to see our dear friend/relative/husband/father off.

Jason Harper Sr, a lawyer of Deloitte & Touche, had gone in for a simple ankle surgery a few weeks ago. He was recuperating well but little did he know that a blood clot had formed and this clot was making its way to his heart.  On Sunday, unexpectedly and tragically he suffered a heart attack and there in his home among his family passed away.

I sit there watching Dawn, his wife stand strong, holding her emotions in check and their three children, Britney (16), Jennifer (12) & Jason (8) Harper with dazed looks on their face.  My heart breaks for them and I feel myself tearing up thinking about the life they now have to live without their father who was so committed and dedicated to them.  He was their personal cheering squad, there for all the basketball games, ice-hockey tournaments and even ice-skating competitions. I remember the many times he made me laugh with his humorous jokes and wit and i find myself asking the age old question, "WHY?" Yes I am well read on reincarnation and the purpose driven life, as well as the journey of the soul but nothing really prepares you for sudden death, does it? 

After mass, I head for the reception to see if I can catch Dawn for a brief moment. We hug and cry.  What do I say to the woman who had just lost her best friend and partner of 19 yrs? 'That everything will be ok?'..."hang in there?"..."don't worry, everything will work out in its own way?"...I couldn't bring myself to say any of those things, it sounded so shallow even to my ears, so I opt to say nothing. As quietly as I had entered, I leave with a heavy heart, a lump in my throat, a headache  and a promise to do coffee when all the relatives had gone home and peace reigned in her house again.

I know that as we rejoice in birth and life, we should also rejoice in death but I feel very sad. I am shaken up by Jason's passing.  He wasn't old, in fact he's not but a few years older than myself.  If I was to die tomorrow, am I ready? Have I lived my life fully?  Have I told the people who matter to me that they matter? Will my eulogy be as all encompassing as Jason's was? Again, am I ready to go? 

I shall take the time to grieve and ponder on my own existence and mortality and then celebrate in the freedom of the soul to take rest after its journey here on earth...

May your soul rest in peace Jason Bruce Harper Sr!

Dune Biking in Qatar

wweeeeeeeeeee....that was me coming down the dunes without brakes :)

What in the name of jimney cricket are you talking about woman! Hahaha well as most of you know I spent a few days in Qatar last weekend and one of the activities in which I indulged in, and by the way shopping is delightful there, was sand dune biking. I had no idea what to expect but was excited. We were supposed to head out in the morning but I think we kinda realised that was not going to happen when we fell into bed only at 5am after a night of clubbing.  Yes contrary to popular belief the night scene is kinda funky in Doha!

Thank goodness it's winter there too, so no scorching sun to deal with at 2pm.  The place we headed to was gorgeous. About an hour out of Doha where it was crystal clear blue waters on one side and miles of sand on the other. So you get to see both jet skiing and dune biking taking place in one scene. The water was cold as sin and you could not pay me enough to go jet skiing. Don't even think my 7mm dive suit would be enough to keep the cold out!!

Ok, ok back to the biking :) It was exhilarating. I debated for a long time if i wanted to go with a manual or automatic bike and since I really did not know what to expect, I went with the automatic with the firm determination that if i liked it and had a repeated opportunity to do this again it would be with a manual. So off we go zig zagging and racing each other. Who'd have thought that riding on sand, which was like powder, could be so painful! 

The memory I take back was one where i had gone pretty far up on a dune, full speed ahead. I'd learned that if one goes straight up in all likelihood one was going to get stuck and have to get off and literally dig yourself outta the hole. So you zig zag going up sideways. There i was without a care when i decided to stop and take in the sunset. Don't really know what made me look over to my left....bloody hell a little more and it was a steep drop. I panicked at the height, both ways...scared of heights...hahaha.  I needed to get back down, could not sit up there forever and for the life of me I could not see the others, oh boy what a nerve wrecking moment. 

So what is the nearest way of getting from point A to B? All together now...in going straight...which meant going straight dooooowwwnn. Here's me taking a deep breath, offering up a prayer to God and my Guardian Angel and making a go for it.  2 seconds into my descend I realise that my brakes aren't working, i forget my prayers and am instead cursing the guy who rented us the bike. Called him every name I knew and in all languages that I was aware off too.  My antics caught quite an audience and lucky for me it was miles of barren sand ahead of me.  All knew to stay out of my path.  Hell I'd have stayed out of my path, i swear i looked like a banshee whopping it down the dunes.  Aiyayai...

Well I'm back in DC now laughing as I recall and write this blog but I tell u I sure as hell was not laughing then!

The Kindle vs Books

Newspapers, books, boom boxes, etc.. are these all things of yesteryear's? I'm reflecting on a conversation I had with Sue, the wife of the Shang GM in Doha, where she was bringing me up to speed on one of technologies latest gadgets...the Kindle.  Basically it is a device in which you can download tens of thousands of books from Amazon.com for your reading pleasure.  The gadget itself is a little pricey but in the long run it works out well as each book is only 10bucks or thereabouts. So, if you're an avid reader, as i am, it pays for itself!

I like my little gadgets or toys as I'd like to fondly refer to them as. Would this be something I'd add to my repertoire though? 

Do you know that I cannot remember the last time I physically picked up a newspaper! I subscribe to the New York Times and Washington Post online, I catch up on news back in Malaysia online too via Malaysiakini and through other forums and I also get highlights or alerts of what's happening in Africa and the Latin American via Lotus Notes (compliment of the World Bank).

I'm searching my home mentally and have come to a realization that I do not have a boom box. I've a state of the art music system, an ipod and music on my iPhone but no boom box, which years ago I can remember begging my parents for.

But no books?? Instead we now have a gadget to read off from. No pages to turn? No bookmark to identify the page last read? And when I'm too lazy, at a click of a button I can choose either a male or female voice to read the story for me?? Hhmmmm

It seems like technology is coming at us at warp speed and there's no way of slowing it down.  For most part I'd like to think that I am embracing technology head-on but it's things like the Kindle which have me stumped.  How fast and how far can and will it go eh?

Karma, karmic debt and repayments

Blogging these days has become a means by which I capture my thoughts and keep it for future reflection. I'd go so far as to liken it to keeping a diary but one I can share. There are certain actions, thoughts and feelings which I'd like to preserve only to read it again in a few weeks/months/years. For example the piece on having been at Obama's Inauguration or my conversation with my brother on faggot balls (still brings a chuckle)

So what's it to be today? Well I was sitting having a foot reflexology and the one thought that kept going through my head was 'karma'. I forget each time how painful it is and I felt that this was the universe extracting its payback!

Actually it goes a little further and deeper, several occurrences have been happening for me to sit and ponder over karma, karmic debt and its repayment.

I went to visit my nieces and their living conditions made me want to cry. Now, is this their karma or are they caught in their parents karma?

I recently got myself entangled in a bitter argument(s) with someone I'd considered a dear friend. Needless to say we aren't on talking terms. Since I was initially at fault, I've apologized profusely but to deaf ears. I am at peace and happy after having done so however, so does this mean that I've taken care of it in this life and my debt will not be carried forward into the next?

I've opened my house in what I'd initially thought was me doing a good deed only to have problems of mega proportion sit at my doorstep. Now is this my karma or the people I'm trying to help?

If we all lived with the saying "what goes around comes around" don't you think there'd be far less debt to be paid off? But of course, we being insufferable humans filled with skepticism, we'd far doubt genuine goodness in another's behavior than believing that there's always agendas and hidden motives to be plotted and executed. Afterall it does make it easier doesn't it? We now don't have to hold ourselves accountable to having to live at a higher state of existence! Seriously, would we know how to live in a world where peace and goodness prevailed? Where greed and corruption did not exist? Where men are equal??

So ok, I digressed at bit but honestly what can we do for ourselves in terms of ensuring that we do not accumulate more karmic debt? And if we feel we have paid up some if not all. how do we help ensure that the other person is also debt free? Are we in it just for ourselves?? Should I even bother with these questions, which most likely will not yield any answers and just live life applying the golden rule??

Living the lifestyle of a tai-tai...syiok oni!

My introspection for this blog entry started on a massage table. This is me living the life of a tai-tai over the past 2 weeks. Having gone for a manicure & pedicure, had my hair washed several times, indulged in a honey wax and now a traditional Chinese massage (yes, the masseur was a Chinese national from China not speaking a word of English!)

My holiday in Malaysia is almost over. I have not done much yet done alot. I hadn't wanted it to be filled with a flurry of non-stop activities, as my holidays usually are. As most of you who know me would know that I'm normally looking for ways to burn excess energy just to keep me from bouncing of the walls and driving everyone in contact with me off their rockers! But this time I came stressed and exhausted. I'd also been doing a fair bit of arguing and I guess that had drained me. Maybe that is why I'd fallen sick at the onset of my hols, my body's way of saying "Whoa there doll, u need to take a breather!" :0)

And that is what I did, I picked a selected few dear friends whom I truly wanted to see and enjoy some quality time with, chilled with my parents whom I'd been missing terribly, met my favourite aunt for some up-to-date family gossip (tons in the Singaram family...hehehe) and spent a fair bit of time with my nephews and nieces.

Each time I come back, I find myself asking if it's time to return to Malaysia. Has 10yrs in DC been enough? Is the grass still greener?? I had an interview set up for a job which was pretty much for my taking but found that although I'm thrilled there are companies who are willing to pay for my skills and expertise as a recognised HR practitioner, I neither find the economic or political climate here alluring. Its ironic but in the instability of the world's economy, there is stability in the work of the WorldBank. Let's not even go down the slippery slope of Malaysian politics.

So I return bidding my time to the land of opportunity and freedom (hehehe...) feeling well rested and ready to take on the next of life's curve balls.

Class of '88 Reunion

"Oh my Gawd! Jasmine you look wonderful" , "Daaawwnnn woman, gorgeous as ever and congrats on your recent wedding nuptials. Caught the photos on FB and u looked radiant" , "Suzanne? small suzanne?? hahaha wow!", "OK you, Nazreen dearie I've seen a fair bit of the past year ;-)" , "Mah Su Ling haven't we turned out all lady like. Finally decided to trade in the tomboy look u had going down pat eh?" All this and more interjected with lots of hugs and cheek-to-cheeks.

I don't think the staff at Park Royal, Penang knew what hit them that Saturday morning. A bunch of 37yr olds ooing and aahing over each other. Sitting now and recollecting the scene in my head, I wanna laugh hard but hey I was in the thick of it too.

OK first order of the day after checking in and reassuring the staff the we were not out to drive their guest away was to the beach. Out came the swimsuits and bikinis, sarongs and pareo, sunblock and suntan lotions. I swear to god I was the only one who plastered myself with sunblock and yet still managed to get burned...the peeling kinda burnt. Oh what the heck! I won't see the sun for another 3 more months.

And for the next few hours, and i mean few hours, over mojitos, wine and lots of water we talked about what we had been doing over the past 21 years, which would have been when we all last approximately saw each other, save for a few. It was interesting to note that apart from Nazreen, the rest of us had settled abroad. Of course us being women, conversation also digressed into fashion, jewelry (Tiffany was voted the fav amongst us) and the men in our lives.

The best part of the weekend getaway was the 1am conversation, where we were all cramped in the suite, comfy in our pj's reminiscing about our school days. "Do you remember.....", "Crap, I can't believe we did that and manage to get away with it.....", "Hey remember that time when...." The stories of CGL vs CLS for SXI boys attn and how good we had it with the PFS boys...hahaha.

I heard names which I hadn't heard in yonks and fondly wonder what has become of them. Who knows if facebook can bring the rest of the missing souls together since it has gotten us this far :) Who knows maybe in another 2 years or so. Needless to say the rest of the weekend was a wash for me as i fell ill and pretty much spent it in bed :(

I wish you all a safe journey as you return to your home countries and let's do what we said we would. Keep in touch babes, it was a blast!