Thursday, December 31, 2009

So Long...Farewell....



So long....farewell....auf weidersehen goodbye....
I leave and heave a sigh and say goodbye....

I'm glad...to go...I cannot tell a lie
I fleet, I float, I fleetly flee I fly...

Goodbye...
Goodbye...
Goodbye...2009

There's about 11 hours left to 2009 and i've decided to use a small portion of it to contemplate the year. I won't lie and say its not been a tough year coz it has, esp the last couple of weeks. But has it ruined me or brought me down? Nah!

I could list the events and happenings that have brought me literally to my knees in some instances but seriously, what good would that do me? Other than make for interesting reading, there's no use since i'm not into throwing pity parties for myself? (do love the party bit...hahaha)

So what have been the highlights instead of 2009?

  • seeing my dad go from losing function of his legs to walking and driving again!
  • spending 2 weeks with my sister who happened to visit the same time i was down in Malaysia for the summer (yes & the irony of it is that we actually live on the same continent!)
  • being strategically reassigned to the Corporate HR team
  • travelled 4 times to Malaysia and also to Haiti, Jamaica, Cancun, London, Dubai, Vienna & Bratislava
  • going back to my Alma Mater  after 15yrs for a weekend of fun memories
  • seeing my mom launch her first book titled "Family Chronicles" (I am very proud of her for this achievement)
  • making new friends and strengthening the bonds with old friends (I so heart u all...muuaahhh)

And this is just from the top of my head!

I've a few things planned for 2010 which I will reveal as it happens. Got that whole superstitious thing going ;0)

As always I make no resolutions coz i don't see them past the first month but this I promise myself: plenty laughter, self-fulfillment & satisfaction, travelling & good health.

Happy 2010 folks! May you always have a pocketful of sunshine, a bounce in your step, a twinkle in your eye and a heart that skips a beat with joy & excitement...

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Cracker Jack Of An Email

Many, many moons ago I added the Social Me application on FB and like all applications on FB, I soon tired of it and moved on to sending virtual drinks, pokes & what have-you-nots. In other words I forgot about Social Me. Until today, when i received a notification that someone had 'clicked' on me.

Not only did Steve leave a tag describing me as gorgeous (soooo made my day!) but also the following message....

Since i first viewed your profile, i felt a great impulsion on me and ever since then i have been thinking about you , i thought you might be an end to my search or to say a realization of my dreams because you are just what i am looking for and you know when i keep reading from you , i feel that is coming to be true and i pray and hope it does. I will go on the site and delete my profile because this is what i have been waiting for the past years and i would not trade this for the whole world , so i want to see where this go and being a one man woman , i will give this a total chance and i am sure it will take me to where i want. I will want you to do the same and delete your profile on the site to see where we go from here so we can concentrate on each other and see what we have for each other. I've been so much thinking about you and to be sincere i am thinking about you.Wow! So here I stand, among the digital masses. We're not so different after all. Here I stand, surrounded by people who've met on-line, People who've loved and lost, and people who are found, and somehow, in a desperate world, found each other.So what do I say that hasn't already been written, or been already said? Hm mm, pretty tough! Okay... try this: I no longer need to hope for love by going to clubs, (y'know I can't dance!) supermarkets, church socials, by passing notes in class as a kid, or instant messages as an adult. I don't have to search for love, in ads, on the internet, in chat rooms, text messages, camera phones, faxes, and e-mails. I don't have to wait for good and bad feedback, have to need a good laugh, wait to talk, be told to shut up, look for hope, pray for a miracle, wait for an angel, see hope for God's love here on earth, wish for a special friend, crave for love's passion, envy others romance or wonder if someone will ever love me.

Thanks for coming into my life!

Hugs and Kisses

I swear to God that i have not edited this message and that I do not know this guy from Adam, Tom, Dick or Harry. I don't know if I should be freaked out by it or laugh. Turned out that I actually did laugh heartily and because it made my morning, I thought I'd share it with you.

Monday, December 28, 2009

How to avoid the "I Think We're Better Of As Friends" line...insights from Men

A few nights ago a bunch of us got into a debate on How- To Avoid the dreaded friend zone. Mind you not escape but avoid. Why? Because few, if any, ever escape it once they enter it! That is the cold hard truth. So what do you do? Well you avoid entering the dreaded Friend Zone at all costs to begin with - duh!


We women agreed that we can get sex anywhere, any time and any way we want it. The problem the guys faced was that for them, women don’t want sex anywhere, any time and any way THEY want it. That is why men find themselves slipping into the dreaded Friend Zone more often than women do. Still, they all claimed to know a couple of girls who are continually being thrown into the Friend Zone. Wanting to take the mickey out of the guys we asked them to verbalize (or attempt to) their observation and analysis as to how women can become less of a support buddy and more of a fuck buddy...or rather a romantic interest. This is it (as verbatim as I remember)...


5. Know Your Role

"Do you have a penis? If the answer is no, then you aren’t one of the guys. So stop saying and thinking you are. And if you refuse to obey that rule and insist on wanting to be seen as one of the guys, then don’t cry when no guy wants to date you. Because think about it. You’re acting like a dude. We don’t want to date a dude. If we did, we would be gay. And being gay means we like penis, something you don’t have to offer us. Therefore, you acting like one of the guys is a lose-lose situation for you." ...hmm ok insightful ;)

4. You Don’t Have To Be A Girly-Girl, But Be (Semi) Lady-Like

Guys like girls because we're different from them, thus making us interesting to them. We look different, talk different, walk different, think different, act different (or at least should, see #5) and smell different (waaay better than guys). We even pee different! Not only that, we have different body parts than them ;) THAT is the attraction. We bring something different to the table and have things to offer them that their buddies don't. "Learn to embrace that. Use it to your advantage. Sure it's fine and often a bonus if a girl shares similar interests with the boys, for example likes football. However, there still needs to be a separation, a divide. Something that sets you apart from my friend Scum...which by the way is a real friend of mine. And trust me, if you're a girl, you DO NOT want me comparing you to Scum in my mind. Do whatever you have to do, but don't allow yourself to be seen the same way Scum is seen."  (Capiche?)

"So easy on the swears. Try to refrain from constantly scratching your balls. And never, NEVER spit! Because a lady never spits. She swallows." (Read that however you like)

3. Don't Be Overly Awesome

"Look, I hear you on the "I am woman. Hear me roar!" theme you got going on. The fact that you are a go-getter, power hungry, money making machine is sexy. So I'm not asking you to be less awesome than me or even to tone your awesomeness down some. I'm just asking that you don't rub your awesomeness in my face or compare your awesomeness to mine, especially if you're more awesome than me! If you're overly awesome, you'll make me feel insecure. And making me feel insecure and poorly about myself is no way for me to build up the confidence needed to ask you out. That is why you will be placed in the Friend Zone. Basically, try to keep your level of awesome in check." .... intimidation in play

2. Let Me Know I'm Needed, Wanted and Appreciated

"Contrary to our hard outer He-Man-like shell, men have fragile egos. This is why we enjoy having our ego (not to mention other naughty bits) stroked so much. It feels good to be loved. But it feels even better to be needed, wanted and appreciated. We like to know that we matter, especially to you. I need to serve a purpose in your life - something a little more significant and meaningful than lifting heavy furniture, hanging picture frames and squashing spiders. Understand that I don’t need you to just need me in your life. I want you to want me in your life as well. Show me that you want me and I’ll show you that I want you. Then appreciate everything I do for you, who I am and who I strive to be as I appreciate you in return. Can you feel the love? Let it come full circle to squeeze you and put that warm pink hue in your cheeks. Cozy, isn't it?" ... I swear i didn't know if it was the booze speaking on this one but hey there it is!

1. FLIRT!

This should be a no brainer, but nevertheless, it's the #1 tip and trick to help avoid entering the dreaded Friend Zone! Guys are dumb. Yeah, I said it. "The girls we think like us, don't. And the girls that do like us, we are clueless about. That is how a girl can often be tossed in the Friend Zone because we either completely miss the signs or misread the signs...or you fail to give us any signs to read at all!" So FLIRT! Giggle, touch, smile, bat your lashes, say adorable things, flip your hair, straighten your skirt, ect. Whatever it is that you do, DO IT! Even the most oblivious guy is sure to pick up on that! Or so we hope.


Sigh...Nobody ever said finding love was simple. And nobody ever said life was fair or easy. Sometimes you can do everything right and drop all the clues in the world to someone, but yet they still don’t get it! Other times they simply don’t want to see the clues because they are not interested in seeing you as more than a friend. That’s hard on the heart, but we’ve all been there and you will make it out alive. Which takes me back to the same question I always tell my friends to ask themselves..."Why do I want someone that doesn't want me?"

Cheap Trick once wrote a song and the lyrics go like this...

I want you to want me.
I need you to need me.
I'd love you to love me.
I'm begging you to beg me.

Worst case scenario, stop playing games and tell the person how you feel. If you want more, ask for more. If they utter the awful line "I think we’re better off as friends," just accept it. There’s nothing you can do. Do not beg. Do not plead. Rest your case.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Dear God

Dear God,

I know it's Thanksgiving and I should be thanking you for the many blessings you have bestowed on me but I have a far greater request to put forth to you at this time.  I promise you, that i will give u due thanks :)

I have this little problem in which my patience is severely being tested.  I am seriously at my wits end as to what i need to do, short of blasting the brains of two fuckwits. I don't care if someone(s) wanna cause me pain, and I have to say I am majorly so at this juncture, but i draw the line when people I care for are hurt. So, I'm begging you please to take the red lenses outta my eyes, help me keep the calm and to bite my tongue in order not to say what i'd truly like to say to all involved.

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Bottle of Wine




For all of us who are married , were married, wish you were married, or wish you weren't married, this is something to smile about the next time you see a bottle of wine:

Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road.

As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride.

With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into the car.

Resuming the journey, Sally tried in vain to make a bit of small talk with the Navajo woman. The old woman just sat silently, looking intently at everything she saw, studying every little detail, until she noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Sally.

'What in bag?' asked the old woman.

Sally looked down at the brown bag and said, 'It's a bottle of wine. I got it for my husband.'

The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or two. Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder,
she said:

'Good trade.....'

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Apparently I'm A Bitch

Good evening! Are you having a good week so far? Today I have decided to tell you a tale that will hopefully amuse you.

A few weeks ago I was walking down the main road towards the National Mall. While on this mission of the utmost importance I notice a guy walking besides me and he noticed me. Or at least he noticed me pulling my face and simply couldn’t stop himself from interrogating me.

Now if you know anything at all about me you’ll know that I have a thousand thoughts racing through my mind at anyone time (read: the voices in her head are instructing her to kill all within eyesight). Each thought vying for my attention, is usually accompanied by a facial expression. Sometimes I simply have the biggest ass grin on my face due to something hilarious I have just thought of. At other times I screw up my face like I’ve just bitten into a lemon. The point being that I suck ass at poker; I am incapable of keeping control of my emotions. So can you imagine my surprise when this stranger, whom I don’t know from a bar of soap, asks me why I’m pulling my face?

My first reaction was to ask him what he meant but then the thought hit me, “Why am I having an interaction (eventually maybe an altercation) with a stranger on the main road?” It was with that I moved on without waiting for answer. My unconscionable action seemed to have angered him because he immediately yelled, “And you’re fucking ugly as well.”

...

Yeah, bet you didn’t think that story would end that way.

Anyway, for a long while after the incident I kept replaying the scene in my head. Most people would have been angry and shouted something sarcastic in return. Me? I was amused. I just don’t understand you someone can let something so slight, so unintentional by someone of no import get to them. There are some things in life simply not worth getting angry over.

Friday, November 6, 2009

The Bane Of All Existance!



How is it that telemarketers know exactly when I'm at home to call? I swear it's like as if they have an eye trained on me. The first call is never more than 5 mins after i've walked in the front door.


What I think ticks me off the most is getting an early morning call and because i'm still bleary eyed (and most probably hit my shin stumbling to get the phone before the 4th ring), can't quite focus on the number to note that its a ..... yea u got it....a telemarketer asking if i'd donate to this, that or the other or if they could interest me with 0% interest free credit cards or refinancing of my home mortgage, etc....for the last time NO!

Please, please, please dear God, get them to leave me alone! I promise to eat all my peas, say my prayers every night and floss my teeth after every meal. I'll even do a pinky promise on it!

Now, for those of you who are going to 'advise' me about getting my name and number on the do not call list, don't waste your breath. I AM ON THAT LIST ALREADY!

OK, this is how its now gonna go down....

1. Telemarketer: "Hi, my name is Judy and I'm with WXYZ Bank. Would you like a free credit card ma'am?"
Me: Wait for a few seconds and with a real husky voice say, "What colour panties are you wearing right now?"

2. Say "No" over and over. Will be sure to vary the sound of each 'No', and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most fun if I can do it continuously until they hang up.

3. If Insurance company calls trying to get me to sign up for the Family and Friends Package, reply, in a low sinister voice , "I don't have any friends or family, would you like to be my friend or family?"

4. If the company sells cleaning products, respond: "Can you get out blood? Can you get out goat blood? How about human blood?"

5. Answer the phone. As soon as i realize it is a Telemarketer, "Accept God! Save Your soul and get ready for eternal life" ... they will hang up.

6. Tell the Telemarketer i am busy at the moment and ask him/her if he/she will give you his/her home phone number so you can call him/her back. When the Telemarketer explains that telemarketers cannot give out their home numbers say, "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The Telemarketer will agree and you say, "Me either!" Hang up.

7. Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.

8. Tell them it is dinner time, but ask if they would please hold. Put them on speaker phone while i continue to eat at my leisure.

9. Tell the Telemarketer, "Okay, I'll listen to you. While she is talking, make some noises like 'mmmmm'....'oooohhh'...and then say "I'm not wearing any clothes."


Let's see who's got whom now, eh?!? :P

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Kissing, Petting, Fucking...And It Gets Better

The key to real estate is location, location, location. So how would you like to call these towns home? There is a town in Austria called "Fucking". If you locate it on Google maps, you will see there are a number of Fucking roads there. A big problem is that American tourists keep stealing their street signs, returning to the states and saying "hey look, I've been to Fucking Austria." The village is known to have existed as Fucking since at least 1070 and is named after a man from the 6th century called Focko. "Ing" is an old Germanic suffix meaning "people." Therefore, Fucking in this case, means "place of Focko's people." There is also another town called "Oberfucking" or "Upper Fucking", for those who like to be on top I guess. Coincidentally just over the border in Bavaria, Germany you will find two small municipalities called Kissing and Petting. So just a word of advice, you might want to start with Kissing and Petting before you race to Fucking. If you don't know the ins and outs of Kissing, Petting and Fucking, you may want to look for a German bus tour operator named "Fücker". He can show you all you need to know.

If you plan on visiting Baden-Wuerttemberg, Germany may I suggest you stay away from a village called "Killer". The locals say it isn't the best place to camp. For the homosexual tourist, you may want to stop in Manly, Australia. It's on the other side of the harbor from Sydney. If you want to get straight to the point, you can always just visit Intercourse, Pennsylvania right here in the states. You'll definitely want to reach Climax, MI also. But be careful, because it's only 33 miles from Fertile.

There is also a town in Northern Portugal, Spain called Feces. The town is actually called "Feces de Abaixo" (Lower Feces), adding to my amusement factor. If reading about all of these lewd town names is making you feel like you will go straight to hell, then let me point you in the the right direction. You will find Hell in Norway and let me warn you, it's not hot like you may of imagined. Their winters can get below -20C! Yes folks, hell DOES freeze over.

Monday, November 2, 2009

Headache or Cramp?

I have a male colleague who considers himself as a fairly smart guy. He has a couple of degrees and can name all the U.S. States in alphabetical order. Now granted he has to sing them in that same squeaky, elementary school boy voice when he learned the "Fifty Nifty United States" song back in the 1st grade ;0) hehehe! But still, that level of smartitude has to count for something, right? So why is it that someone like him who borderlines on genius (note the sarcasm) can be so freaking dumb sometimes? I give to you Exhibit A.

Obviously this isn’t the exact conversation, word for word, as it occurred in real life and not over AIM or some other form of online communication where I could have saved the actual chit-chat. Although from the best of my recollection, this is how it went down...


Male Colleague: My head is killing me! Do you have any Aspirin?

Me: I have Tylenol. Do you want that?

Male Colleague: Yeah, that will work.

Me: (checks my drawer) Actually it’s Tylenol PM.

Male Colleague: (in a sarcastic, mocking tone) Ha-ha. I know. I get it. I’m on my man-period this week. But seriously, do you have just regular Tylenol or something?

Me: You know, you can take Tylenol PM.

Male Colleague: (gives me this irritated look as if to say stop playing around)

Me: Well...it might make you drowsy, but should get rid of your headache. (I pause as a light bulb goes off in my head) Wait...what do you think the PM stands for?

Male Colleague: I'm not stupid. It's Tylenol for women. PM = premenstrual.

At this point I'm almost on the floor in a fit of laughter. All these years male colleague always thought that Tylenol PM was their version of Midol, the period pain relief meds. He never knew PM stood for nighttime!

Male Colleague: Who ever looks at the moon on the bottle anyway? Stupid period medicine!

It's always the smart ones who get them good...lol

Saturday, October 31, 2009

All Hallows' Even





Today, the 31st is Halloween. While the holiday originates from the USA, it is popular all over the world these days.

Halloween means Hallows Eve (the eve before the Day of the Dead, on the 1st of November), and its origins are Celtic. 2,500 years ago the Celtic people from what is now the UK celebrated New Years Eve at the end of the summer, not in December, and for them this day was the 31st of October. For some reason, the Celts thought that on this day the spirits would come out of their tombs and walk the earth. To scare off the spirits, people decorated their houses with bones and other scary objects that would ward off the spirits. 

Nowadays, Halloween is most celebrated in Anglo-saxon cultures where people dress up like monsters and fantasy creatures and do Trick-or-Treating.  Most homes, put a Jack-o-lantern outside on the doorstep (I have 6!)

Halloween is now popular in many other countries thanks to movies and TV shows that have shown this fun holiday. Really, it is pretty fun to dress up like a witch, a zombie, or a vampire! I do it every year and it's about a month of planning and cracking the head as to what to dress up as.  I chose to be the Dark Widow this year :0) Why?  I just thot it was sexy :)


Hey if dressing up and trolling about isn't your thing you could always just get together with friends and watch horror flicks.  The Shining, The ExorcistPoltergeistChucky...! Since I'm a scardy cat to all degrees when it comes to watching horror flicks, the earlier is so much less of a hassle.  I remember watching 3/4 of Jaws from under the seat! Heaven only knows how i survived the Haunted Forest on Thursday nite. I kid you not, when i say that more adults had the crap scared outta them than the kids...*shudders* 


And now I leave you to go create mayhem with other ghosts, ghouls, goblins, demons, witches, vampires. To stand around a couldron, mix and chant and down its poisons...HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

      Thrice the brinded cat hath mew'd.
       Thrice and once, the hedge-pig whin'd.
       Harpier cries:—'tis time! 'tis time!
        Round about the caldron go;
    In the poison'd entrails throw.—
    Toad, that under cold stone,
    Days and nights has thirty-one;
    Swelter'd venom sleeping got,
    Boil thou first i' the charmed pot! 


       Double, double toil and trouble;
    Fire burn, and caldron bubble. 


       Fillet of a fenny snake,
    In the caldron boil and bake;
    Eye of newt, and toe of frog,
    Wool of bat, and tongue of dog,
    Adder's fork, and blind-worm's sting,
    Lizard's leg, and owlet's wing,—
    For a charm of powerful trouble,
    Like a hell-broth boil and bubble.


       Double, double toil and trouble;
    Fire burn, and caldron bubble. 


       Scale of dragon; tooth of wolf;
    Witches' mummy; maw and gulf
    Of the ravin'd salt-sea shark;
    Root of hemlock digg'd i the dark;
    Liver of blaspheming Jew;
    Gall of goat, and slips of yew
    Sliver'd in the moon's eclipse;
    Nose of Turk, and Tartar's lips;
    Finger of birth-strangled babe
    Ditch-deliver'd by a drab,—
    Make the gruel thick and slab:
    Add thereto a tiger's chaudron,
    For the ingrediants of our caldron. 


      Double, double toil and trouble;
    Fire burn, and caldron bubble. 


       Cool it with a baboon's blood,
    Then the charm is firm and good.






Friday, October 30, 2009

Stupid People Suck

I certainly don't profess to be the brightest bulb in the bunch but I really have no patience for outright stupidity. They say ignorance is bliss but it's only bliss for the ignoramus, not for those of us around them who have to witness it. And I'm not talking about the Darwin Awards, presented to the Grand Poobas of Idiocy. I'm talking about everyday dumb.

I work for an institution that employs over 10,000 people. A large number of the employees have multiple advanced degrees from the most esteemed universities across the globe. We're a development institution and we employ the best and the brightest. Or so we thought.

We utilize the same phone system that can be seen on the television show, The Office, which is your first clue. It has lots of bells and whistles and one of the advanced features of this system is that you can listen to a phone mail message directly on your computer through your email. It's very convenient when you're checking your messages remotely and don't have access to a phone. The phone system isn't without some glitches and hiccups but you learn to roll with the punches and move forward in a logical manner when something goes wrong.

At approximately 2:29PM, I received an email regarding a "message from an unidentified caller (555-555-5555), with the text "TESTING". It seemed rather self-explanatory to me, a test by our IT department. I deleted the message, minimized my email and continued working on my spreadsheet.

Just about every minute, that small window would pop up in the lower right hand corner of my screen, "You have mail."

I finally decided to check my email again and found no less than 20 emails, all referencing the first email. I looked at the recipient line and noticed that someone had inadvertently sent it to ALL USERS. Woops. Well, shit happens. I felt bad for the person who accidentally hit ALL but not as bad as I did for the person whose phone number was referenced in the email.

I proceeded to scroll through a plethora of emails as more and more entered my inbox. They were from people who had either called this person or just wanted to REPLY TO ALL that they had no idea what this email was about.

"Is someone handling this?", Director

"???????", Manager

"I'm not sure what's going on", Senior VP

"Note to all-stop hitting reply to all", Lead Coordinator

"I got this, too", Manager, Graduate Medical Education, MBA

"Why am I getting this message?", Country Rep Liaison

"Please don't hit reply to all", Senior VP FAQ Unit, CPA, MBA

"STOP REPLYING ALL", Special Assistant

"Stop including me in your emails. I don't have time to delete this." SAR Country Director

And my favorite: "I think the phones are going crazy!", Ombuds Office

Now, keep in mind that all of these responses were sent TO ALL. I guess they don't see the irony in that.

After about the one hundredth message, I wanted to reply TO ALL, "You're all a bunch of stupid idiots!!" but I thought that might be inappropriate and then I would just become one of them. Instead, I thought I would share this sentiment with you:

Stupid people suck

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Truth Hurts Like A Kick To The Teeth

Sometimes, when it's the most important time to tell the truth is when it hurts the most.

Lie all you want about how your fucking day is, or your icecream preference- but when you tell someone their teeth are turning yellow, or that their boyfriend is a tool bag, you're really gonna cut deep. When you tell someone the way they're living their present is affecting their future, in a negative way, they aren't going to listen to you with open ears.

Teeth being yellow isn't subjective, it just is- and being colorblind is a disease. Rihanna getting back with Chris Brown isn't subjective, it's just stupid. Global warming isn't deciding whether you prefer wine or beer- it just IS. But isn't denial so much easier??? Is it easier to see the smaller picture.....

...is it?

Is avoiding the truth really going to hurt less? Sure, facing the facts right NOW is sort of like wiggling that tricky tooth that's hanging by it's last thread and hoping that it stays there, because the actual PULL of it breaking is going to make you want to vomit- the open fleshy wound is going to remind you that YES, the tooth is GONE. So, it's easier to play with the tooth with your tongue until you decide to bite into a burger and the tooth comes out.....all bloody and unwelcome, inappropriate and meal-ruining, looks like you're going hungry today.

Is it better to pull or wait?

I've done both- I've tied the string to the doorknob and then backed out the second it was about to slam- both literally and hypothetically.

Sometimes the pain is literal. When it hurts the worst, it usual is. It's the kind that makes you fall to your knees and instinctively grab your stomach ready for every piece of your vital organs to just projectile straight out of your mouth. The kind that hurts the worst, is the kind that was so toxic to your state of being that you MUST get it out to feel better. It's the elephant in the room, the "she's so blind", the "if only she knew....." or the "get your head out of the clouds." It's the stain.

No one wants to be told to lose 25 pounds- but their heart surely wants someone to tell them. No one wants to be told that they're going to get themselves into MORE trouble by ignoring the facts. No one wants to be be told, "just work fucking harder." Or, "turn your pipe dreams down a few damn notches so you can hear what's really going on." And often, the reason they don't want to hear it, is because their subconscious is already busy dropping hints in the form of small road blocks in the pathway of their denial....but when the truth hurts the most, you're even more likely to try and figure out how to climb the fucking mountain before you acknowledge that it's Mount Everest, you aren't wearing a Northface jacket and you've got Converse sneakers on.....right- good luck.

When the truth is hard to tell, it's most often to the people you love the most, otherwise, you simply wouldn't give a shit. So what if they're hurt, NEXT.

Truth is one of the things that in hindsight, after the lesson's learned, it seems to easy. Choosing to ignore truth only helps on the surface....choosing to "deal with it another day" or choosing to put off the fact that YES, you DO have to pay that bill- and NO, they won't wave the late fee- the longer you wait, isn't going to make it go away.

He won't get better if he isn't already GREAT NOW. Just one more cookie IS going to affect your muffin top, stop acting like it isn't. Not telling someone what they need to hear isn't going to make you feel ANY different about it, and it isn't going to make their situation easier by you being silent. Silence of words doesn't create silence in truth.

The things that we need to experience don't always feel like a trip to the spa. Truth, can sometimes feel like Helga's Swedish massage with two fists and elbows....but, when the bruises are gone- the knots are smooth, you'll stand up so much straighter.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Unique Urinals!



On a scale of 1-10, my maturity level, as you can clearly see, is somewhere along the lines of a high 1 today. Ok, ok, more like negative 1. I've started my weekend so a little slack can be provided eh? Thank you google image search for providing the entertainment ;)


Happy weekend Friends! I hope you have a great one!

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

The Invisible Man

I love the following photos...spot Liu Bolin :0)







Thursday, October 15, 2009

Come, let's laugh :0)

If you’ve ever hung around a baby for any extended period of time, you probably noticed that babies have different cries for different needs - cries that their parents learn the meaning of after some familiarization with their little one. But oddly enough, parents don't usually try to distinguish their child's different forms of laughter.


Though there are many ways to laugh, from giggles to guffaws and from chuckles to cackles, it turns out that we humans laugh at the strangest things. And it's more than just the latest David Sedaris book or episode of "Saturday Night Live" that has us doubled over -- only about 90 percent of our laughter is related to jokes or humor. You yourself probably haven’t put much thought into the different ways you laugh, or why.

So what are some other situations that get us laughing.
 

The first is etiquette laughter. We’ve all been there.
Your boss cracks some terrible joke and you feel the need to laugh hysterically - to be polite - even though you are crying on the inside.

 
 
 

The second is nervous laughter.

Like when the nude model shows up to your art class and you find yourself shaking behind the easel trying to stifle your giggling
 
 
 

The third is Pigeon laughter.

Your out for a walk with you friend when something falls from the sky. You're splattered, you're friend is untouched.This event is anything but funny to you, yet your friend can't stop laughing. Its laughing without opening your mouth.

 
 
 
 
 

The fourth is Silent laughter.


OK those of us who have worked in cubicles, the silent laughter is a skill we've perfected so that we can look at funny web sites and videos at work.
 
 
 

And finally the fifth is Belly laughter. The most honest laughter.

The kind of laughter that has us rolling on the floor, clutching our bellies and laughing for air. 

Carolyn Birmingham said " A smile starts on the lips, A grin spreads to the eyes, A chuckle comes from the belly; But a good laugh bursts forth from the soul, Overflows and bubbles all around".
Let's begin or end our day with a hearty laugh in any which way you desire but laugh u must

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Shrimp Briyani

Here's the recipe for the Shrimp Briyani as promised :0)




INGREDIENTS:

Shrimps - 2 lbs
Ghee - 2 tbsp
Oil - 2 tbsp
Yellow Onions (thinly sliced) - 2
Lemon Juice - 2
Salt to taste
Coriander leaves
Chilli powder - 2 tsp
Coriander powder - 2 tsp
Tumeric powder - 1 tsp
Ginger-Garlic paste - 2 tbsp
Curd/buttermilk - 1/2 cup (plain yoghurt would suffice too)
Cloves - 6
Cinnamon 1in piece
Cardamon - 4
Bay leaf - 2
Star Anise - 2
Basmati rice - 2.5 cups
Sona Masoori rice - 1 cup (no worries if you can't find this type of rice)

METHOD:

deshell the shrimps & rinse

add 2 tbsp water, lemon juice and salt

toss the shrimps and remove excess liquid

add 1tsp of chilli powder, 1/2 tsp coriander powder, 1/2 tsp tumeric powder & 1 tbsp of ginger-garlic paste & curd

toss the shrimps and evenly coat with the mix. Keep aside

heat ghee & oil in a deep pan

add onions & fry until golden

add cinnamon, cardamon, bay leaf, star anise & cloves - fry till fragrant

add 1 tbsp of ginger-garlic paste & fry untill smell wears out

add rest of the chilli powder, coriander powder & tumeric powder & fry

add the chopped coriander leaves & fry

add the shrimp mix to the paste and let it cook

add washed rice & fry

add 6.5 cups of water and salt

put mix into rice cooker

once rice is done, put the briyani into oven safe tray & spread put to around 2in thick

heat the oven to 350deg and bake 15 mins, uncovered (this will remove excess liquid and separate the rice)

Enjoy and bon appetite!

Yummie Mango Pie




Here it is finally...yes, yes I know it's taken me a helluva long time to get the recipe but voila!  It's easy and fun to make.  If you don't use all of the Alphonso Mango puree, you may wanna consider turning it into a mango slurpie, equally as delicious....enjoy!





INGREDIENTS:





Graham pie crust shell
1/2 can Mango pulp - Alphonso
1 packet unflavoured gelatine
4 oz sour cream
4 oz cream cheese
3 tabsp sugar
1 cup boiling water



METHOD:


Mix gelatine in boiling water and add sugar to this mix.

Blend mango pulp, sour cream and cream cheese until smooth. Add gelatine to mix, pour into shell and put it in the fridge.


Serve with mango slices.

We Are Family



Humanity When it comes to our families, we sometimes see only our differences. We see the way our parents cling to ideas we don’t believe, or act in ways we try not to act. We see how practical one of our siblings is and wonder how we can be from the same gene pool. Similarly, within the human family we see how different we are from each other, in ways ranging from gender and race to geographical location and religious beliefs. It is almost as if we think we are a different species sometimes. But the truth is, in our personal families as well as the human family, we really are the same.

A single mother of four living in Africa looks up at the same stars and moon that shine down on an elderly Frenchman in Paris. A Tibetan monk living in India, a newborn infant in China, and a young couple saying their marriage vows in Indiana all breathe the same air, by the same process. We have all been hurt and we have all cried. Each one of us knows how it feels to love someone dearly. No matter what our political views are, we all love to laugh. Regardless of how much or how little money we have, our hearts pump blood through our bodies in the same way. With all this in common, it is clear we are each individual members of the same family. We are human.

Acknowledging how close we all are, instead of clinging to what separates us, enables us to feel less alone in the world. Every person we meet, see, hear, or read about, is a member of our family. We are truly not alone. We also begin to see that we are perfectly capable of understanding and relating to people who, on the surface, may seem very different from us. This awareness prevents us from disconnecting from people on the other side of the tracks, and the other side of the world. We begin to understand that we must treat all people for what they are—family.

Friday, October 9, 2009

Only in America...

It's my day off and yet I'm up like the wide-eyed bushy tailed squirrel, sitting on the branch right outside my window. Did you know that squirrels are quite noisy creatures?

OK, ok I digress. As I always do when I wake up, I flip CNN on and the first piece of news that hits me is Obama winning the Nobel Peace Prize...wow! And of course anything which happens to this Man, is up for international debate...geez.

Next up....NASA 'bombs' the moon! There is the urgent need to know if water exists on the moon coz water is heavy and would be difficult to carry...huh?....who's up for the moon as your next postal address??

Hhmm I like my 'adopted' country, really I do, I've been living here the past 10 years! But seriously! read on....

Only in America...

* are there handicap-parking places in front of a skating rink.

* do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

* do they leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

* do they use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

* do they use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.

* do they choose from just two people to run for presidency and 50 for Miss America

* do they make the sick walk all the way to the back of the drugstore to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

* half the money is spent buying food, and the other half is spent trying to lose weigh



* do they have braille on drive-thru ATMs

and wait here is the clincher...

Only in America is there actually a semi-important figure in American history who is named for a blow-job movie. Deep Throat. Think about it. How do school teachers handle this?



And on that note I wish you a very Happy Friday...party till you drop but do be responsible & careful!





Women, Islam & Iran




I attended a play called Beneath The Veil at the John Kennedy Center of Arts, DC this evening.  I really had no idea what I was in for as John and I had purchased the tickets on a whim for something different to do on a Thursday evening.

Beneath the Veil turned out to be a 90 min intermission free powerful production giving a rare glimpse behind the traditional veil worn by millions of women in the Middle East and around the world. It is the thought-provoking work by international award winning actress/activist Mary Apick who tells of stunning stories that expose the systematic and often violent oppression of women and children in namely Iran.

The play had several parallel and interwoven stories being told simultaneously.  There was


* the tale of the Iranian born Canadian photo journalist, Zahra Kazemi who was brutally abused and killed in their prison for taking photos outside a prison during a student protest in Tehran.
* the stoning of Soraya M. Buried up to her neck she was stoned to death on a trumped-up charge of adultery. Unbelieveably the first to cast their stones were her husband, father and sons!
* Neda Soltan known as Iran's angel of freedom. Killed innocently as she watched the Iranian election protests
* a plight of a widower who had to become a prostitute, formerly a teacher, in order to buy milk for her baby

* another woman who was also murdered for lifting her veil
* a 16yr old girl who was caught and publicly humiliated for having posters of Michael Jackson tucked away in her textbooks. She in turned committed suicide

There were a few more stories like these and honestly not only did it leave a bad taste in my mouth but a heavy heart.  I cannot imagine living in a world such as theirs. The daily mental anguish, the inability to voice their opinions, to be something more than just a sexual puppet for men...aarrrggggggghhhhhhh!!!

I wish Mary Apick all the best in using her talent to spread the news on the plight of women in Iran.  Hopefully with the aid of Amnesty International and other similar agencies, something will be done soon. It is not right for women, and/or all humans, to be treated in such manner in the name of religion!

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Breaking Social Norms

Everyday, at some point, we follow unwritten rules. Deviating from social norms can leave people looking at you with a raised eyebrow, scratching their heads. Watching a fellow step out of general bounds, will certainly stir up some emotions. Some might let out a great big awesome laugh, while others might be highly confused and possibly slightly irritated.

I like to break the norm and bring about internal chaos to the unexpected individual every now and then, when I'm bored or just feel in the mood for mischief.  It could be at a restaurant, bar, govt office, Mall or even at the stoic premises of the World Bank ;-)

So what have I gotten up to most recently...let me count the ways...



Standing next to the person, not behind



Starting a conversation with someone while they are in a bathroom stall



Clapping when the barista (starbucks) makes your drink {or any order}



Facing sideways in an elevator



Stand on the left of the escalator



Saying "no, I am sorry I can't" when someones ask you to take a message



It is  easily recognized that when people are free to do as they please, they usually imitate each other otherwise those who march to a different drummer are used to getting beaten. C'est la vie, non?

Would you feel comfortable deviating from certain social norms? or How would you feel watching some else do it?

Reversed Projections

We all have issues, as well as undesirable qualities or traits that we don’t like about ourselves. I know I do. Most of us realize that we are not perfect and that it is natural to have unpleasant thoughts, motivations, desires, or feelings. However, when a person does not acknowledge these, they may ascribe those characteristics to someone else, deeming other people instead as angry, jealous, or insecure. In psychological terms, such blaming and fault finding is called projection.

When we are the target of projections, it can be confusing and frustrating, not to mention maddening, particularly when we know that we are not the cause of another person’s distress. Even people who are well aware of their issues may find that sensitive subjects can bring up unexpected projections. They may feel insecure about a lack of funds and thus view a friend as extravagant. Or, if they really want to get in shape, they may preach the benefits of exercise to anyone and everyone.

While we can try to avoid people we know who engage in projecting their “stuff” onto others, we can’t always steer clear of such encounters. We can, however, deflect some projections through mindfulness. At other times, we may have to put up a protective shield when we feel a projection coming our way, reminding ourselves that someone else’s issues are not ours. Although it’s difficult not to react when we are the recipient of a projection, it is a good idea to try to remain calm and let the other person know if they are being unreasonable and disrespectful. We all know that it’s not fun to be dumped on. Likewise, we should be mindful that we don’t take our own frustrations out on others. When we take ownership of our thoughts, motivations, desires, and feelings, we are less likely to project our issues or disowned qualities onto others.

Friday, October 2, 2009

The Theory of Intelligence

A friend forwarded the following to me recently and its so profound ;0) that I thought you, my dear friends, needed to be in the know. And well, it's also friday....


I don't think I've ever heard the concept explained any better than this.

' . . . A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Now, as we know, excessive intake of alcohol kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. And that, is why you always feel smarter after a few beers.'

Cheers ya'll...bon weekend!

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Got Milk?

OMG I've gotta share this story with you.  I laughed so hard I cried.

A friend of mine told me the following story:

She was telling me about how they'd ran out of milk at home this morning and how her 4 year old son went up to his daddy and asked him if he could "milk" his mommy's breast for his cereal. Apparently, the son thinks that his mom doesn't love him and that his sister is selfish for not sharing her milk. His sister is only a month old!

Full cream milk: $2.69 a gallon
Innocent blurts from kids: a dime a dozen
Gapping fish outta water like look from daddy: PRICELESS

Thursday, September 24, 2009

What can we find on you ?!?

Phone rings...


HH: Hey Chermaine, how are you? Glad to have you on the team and thanks by the way for completing the salary negotiations for me.

ME: Not to shabby thanks. Am sure the clients will keep me on my toes. So did she accept the offer?

HH: Yes she did. She was agreeable to your final package. Was getting a little worried about her line of questioning but am guessing the Malaysian connection worked.

ME: Excellent! JO will be ecstatic that we've just increased our diversity figures

(note: Malaysians are considered an under-represented group and with the recent call by RBZ to increase female representation to 50% we scored a double whammy on this recruitment. Chinese Malaysian female for a Senior Managerial position. JJ would be proud of me ;) *inside joke*)

HH: Her references came back pretty solid too. And her facebook profile was clean.

(internal thought: WFT is he on about??)

ME: What do you mean her facebook profile?

HH: Yeah, don't you know a few of us have started doing google checks on our candidates and looking especially into sites like facebook, myspace and the likes.

(facial expression: one of utter disbelief!)

ME: U're kidding me right?

HH: Nope

ME: Hhmmm I'm not sure i'm comfortable with this but let's talk more when i get back to the office.

HH: Sure, will be submitting the paperwork tomorrow for processing. Bye now.

ME: Great. Bye

Needless to say that brief yet enlightening conversation left a bad after taste. Dammit but do we not already do a pretty bang-up & extensive background check on the candidates we hire? From credit history, to verification of education (so if u say u've a MBA/PhD u bloody well make sure u have it), to the usual criminal check and of course reference checks. We, the HR Advisors & Recruiters, were now taking it upon ourselves to scour the internet for personal behaviors on display.

Sure, I'm always telling my nephews and nieces to be cautious about what they post on their profile and to make sure that they have it protected in every which way possible. Especially in landing that first plum job. I know recruiters are looking. There's plenty of stories out there to debunk that this is all just hearsay. But come now, does a photo or two of someone drunk and dancing on a bartop or standing in costume (I believe it was a pirate costume) with a cocktail in hand deserve his/her break in life to be yanked away? What happened to having a happy medium to work/life balance. So it's fine it you're out helping out in the soup kitchens and/or volunteering with Habit for Humanity, but by jove you're doomed if you're having a drink and some laughs with friends or hey maybe dancing with another female cause all of a sudden your moral is going to be quizzed. For crying out loud!!!

Holy cow...paralyzing moment...maybe I should go google ME up and see what pops up...hhmmm, coz I know without a doubt there is a photo of me dancing on a couch in some club, several photos of me looking half dazed from waaayy to much alcohol and ... err ok that one has come down already for other reasons :) and some pretty funky comments Bottom line, I honestly don't care. In fact if you were to come to my office there's a framed photo of me slurping away on some blue concoction. Hell, if i'm going to pass over recruiting someone, it's going to be for reasons other than a photo or a lame comment!

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Relationship Status

Status: Must Be In One!


What is it with some people's obsession with being in a relationship? I just don't get it. It's as if the word "single" is the new dirty word! They would rather be labeled a "cheater" than "single." Because if you're a cheater, you are at least in a relationship, or you've recently been in a relationship. But if you're single, you're dubbed a loser? This "must be in a relationship" notion seems to be especially true for Gen-Y, which I suppose makes sense given the fact that they grew up on technology. The Internet had just begun to boom when they were teenagers, which was the same time they started dating. Shortly after, Facebook came along and with it the infamous "Relationship Status" field we needed to fill out. While some where eager and more than happy to select "In A Relationship," others sheepishly selected the dirty word from the drop down box - "Single." Still, others opted for the "It's Complicated" selection...which always kills me when I see someone under the age of 18 saying it's complicated. Think it's complicated now? Just wait until you're older and you actually have a REAL relationship. Something more meaningful. Something that involves deeper feelings than the puppy love, school crushes you are accustom to.

We all know someone who changes their Facebook Relationship Status at a dizzying rate! Like a light switch, they're on again, off again. We see the happy, full heart icon when they enter a relationship. Then we see the sad, broken heart icon when they breakup. It's digitally dramatic. And am I the only one who doesn't care whether their heart is full of butterflies or daggers? Relationship status quos just don't interest me. When it comes to relationships, I guess I'm a bit old fashion in the sense that I don't feel the need to publicly announce my single/not single status. For the most part, I keep who I'm dating rather private. Afterall, a romantic relationship is supposed to be a private matter, is it not?

It's not Facebook Relationship Statuses that concern me though. What concerns me is the fact that I know far too many people that are willing to just settle, for the sake of wanting to say "I have a boyfriend/girlfriend." They basically settle for whoever will have them. They try converting their long time friend as a new love interest or get back together with an ex that previously treated them like poop! Why? Because like an old shoe, it's comfy. But when did people start picking comfy over happy? Comfy over excitement? Comfy over finding that one person in life you should (were meant to) be with, rather than the one that you just settled for because it was convenient to do so and they agreed to your relationship status quo? I believe it was Carrie Bradshaw that once said, "I'm looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other love." I don't know about you, but I want that! I want a guy that makes me deliriously happy and I refuse to settle for anything less.

Nobody will deny that dating can sometimes be scary, but people are basically throwing in the towel when it comes to love and that's just sad. Who would have thought that we would see the day when being in a relationship is viewed as LESS scary than dating!

Hrmph!

Sunday, September 20, 2009

It's Me

She has secrets you'll never know or  understand,
She appears so strong on the outside,
But on the inside her world is spinning upside down.

She's smiling and standing tall to the outer world,
She's crying and breaking down in her inner world.

She appears so happy to her mates,
But alone, she shares her tears with her pillow.
She knows not to get her hopes up,
As they always come crashing down.
She's heard it all before and felt it all.
She's experienced more than her fair share.
One touch, and she'll flinch,
One harsh word, and she'll cry,
One bad moment, and she'll break down.

She trusts no one, because the people she has, hurt her and left her to
pick up the pieces
She believes no one, because the people she has, lie and betray her.
So for now she'll keep to herself and pretend everything is fine,
When everything is wrong.

I know this girl, because this girl...
IS ME!

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Habits to help you live to 100

I received this in my inbox a couple of days ago and thought that I'd share it with you. Personally my take is if I can't overindulge in sweet things, abuse the alco and smoke, why bother. I've a fixation with the number 72, so 100 is a helluva long ways aways from that. But for the rest of you who would like to reach the magic number of 100 do read on....



Habits to Help You Live to 100
By Deborah Kotz
U.S. News & World Report in The Baltimore Sun


The biggest factor that determines how well you age is not your genes but how well you live. Not convinced? A new study published in the British Medical Journal of 20,000 British folks shows that you can cut your risk of having a stroke in half by doing the following four things: being active for 30 minutes a day, eating five daily servings of fruit and vegetables, and avoiding cigarettes and excess alcohol.

While those are some of the obvious steps you can take to age well, researchers have discovered that centenarians tend to share certain traits in how they eat, move about, and deal with stress--the sorts of things we can emulate to improve our own aging process. Of course, getting to age 100 is enormously more likely if your parents did. But, if your parents and grandparents were heavy smokers, they might have died prematurely without ever reaching their true potential lifespan, so go ahead and shoot for those triple digits.

1. Don't retire (join the WB instead, where you can enjoy the spoils of retirement, i.e. pension, and still work as a consultant earning your last drawn salary!)

The Chianti region of Italy, which has a high percentage of centenarians, has a different take on leisure time. "After people retire from their jobs, they spend most of the day working on their little farm, cultivating grapes or vegetables," says Luigi Ferrucci, director of the Baltimore Longitudinal Study of Aging. Farming isn't for you? Volunteer as a docent at your local art museum or join the Experience Corps , a program offered in 19 cities that places senior volunteers in urban public elementary schools for about 15 hours a week.

2. Floss every day (i'm surprised that this need even be mentioned. Isn't it a given??)

That may help keep your arteries healthy. A 2008 New York University study showed that daily flossing reduced the amount of gum-disease-causing bacteria in the mouth. This bacteria is thought to enter the bloodstream and trigger inflammation in the arteries, a major risk factor for heart disease. Other research has shown that those who have high amounts of bacteria in their mouth are more likely to have thickening in their arteries, another sign of heart disease.

3. Move around (u gotta move it, move it...)

Study after study has documented the benefits of exercise to improve your mood, mental acuity, balance, muscle mass, and bones. Don't worry if you're not a gym rat. Those who see the biggest payoffs are the ones who go from doing nothing to simply walking around the neighborhood or local mall for about 30 minutes a day. Building muscle with resistance training is also ideal, but yoga classes can give you similar strength-training effects if you're not into weight lifting.

4. Eat a fiber-rich cereal for breakfast.

Getting a serving of whole-grains, especially in the morning, appears to help older folks maintain stable blood sugar levels throughout the day, according to a recent study conducted by Ferrucci and his colleagues.

5. Get at least six hours of shut-eye (does it count if we rack up the missing hours and compensate during the weekend?)

Instead of skimping on sleep to add more hours to your day, get more to add years to your life. Those who reach the century mark make sleep a top priority.

6. Consume whole foods, not supplements (it's all in the color peeps. Isn't that how we get our kids to eat their veggies?)

Strong evidence suggests that people who have high blood levels of certain nutrients--selenium, beta-carotene, vitamins C and E--age much better and have a slower rate of cognitive decline. Unfortunately, there's no evidence that taking pills with these nutrients provides those antiaging benefits. Avoid nutrient-lacking white foods (breads, flour, sugar) and go for all those colorful fruits and vegetables and dark whole-grain breads and cereals with their host of hidden nutrients.

7. Be less neurotic (which also reads as "Get that damn ram rod outta ur a%$#")

It may work for Woody Allen, who infuses his worries with a healthy dose of humor, but the rest of us neurotics may want to find a new way to deal with stress. If this inborn trait is hard to overcome, find better ways to manage when you're stressed: Yoga, exercise, meditation, tai chi, or just deep breathing for a few moments are all good. Ruminating, eating chips in front of the TV, binge drinking? Bad, very bad.

8. Live like a Seventh Day Adventist (hahaha the SDAs I know definitely do not abide by this)

Americans who define themselves as Seventh Day Adventists have an average life expectancy of 89, about a decade longer than the average American. One of the basic tenets of the religion is that it's important to cherish the body that's on loan from God, which means no smoking, alcohol abuse, or overindulging in sweets. Followers typically stick to a vegetarian diet based on fruits, vegetables, beans, and nuts, and get plenty of exercise. They're also very focused on family and community.

9. Be a creature of habit (Gawd this one would kill me earlier rather than later!)

Centenarians tend to live by strict routines, says Olshansky, eating the same kind of diet and doing the same kinds of activities their whole lives. Going to bed and waking up at the same time each day is another good habit to keep your body in the steady equilibrium that can be easily disrupted as you get on in years.

10. Stay connected (does facebook and twitter count?)

Having regular social contacts with friends and loved ones is key to avoiding depression, which can lead to premature death, something that's particularly prevalent in elderly widows and widowers. Some psychologists even think that one of the biggest benefits elderly folks get from exercise the strong social interactions that come from walking with a buddy or taking a group exercise class. Having a daily connection with a close friend or family member gives older folks the added benefit of having someone watch their back.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Too Much of A Good Thing is.....Delicious



"Why not seize the pleasure at once? How often is happiness destroyed by preparation."
Jane Austen



You bet, I did, in the most girly and cliched way possible- I have just quoted Jane Austen. The quote hit me immediately and I found it interesting that instead of ending it with a question mark, she ended it with a period. As in, this is fact.

Interesting when you think about it, what happens when we over plan an event; map out the details to the most minute and trivial specifics, play "what if" games in our heads, then, instead of enjoying the outcome we're often so ridden with the stress that it took to get there, thereby making the entire process agonizing and not pleasureable at all. Often, we place such an empasis on wanting something to be great, that we aren't OK with everything just being good. Or just being at all. When the person gets so caught up in the outcome the entire motivation behind the wanting of the end result is lost completely.

Instead of enjoying the meal you worry about the money you had to spend to pay for it. Instead of keeping sight of the reason why you're planning the event, why you're getting married, why you're celebrating- whatever, you're busy focusing on the frustration, the stress or the pimple. WHATEVER IT IS, it is inane, but it has become the main event.

Rather than appreciating the way something made you feel you start to question your frivolity, or your judgment. Taking a joy ride in the middle of the day or ditching that "thing, that that person wanted you to go to" is laden with guilt. You repremand yourself for doing something so insignificant.

It's as if we have this stimuli on PLEASURE, as if pleasure is bad. If we succumb to hedonism we are being reckless or dangerously impetuous. The process of feeling guilt associated with pleasure is set in our brains so much that instead of reveling in the euphoria of something that makes you spring about with glee and stupid grinning, we rush at the first chance to throw our hands into the pot and messy things up. What about the saying, "Don't fix it if it ain't broke" Yes, it's country but so what...if things are good we shouldn't be waiting for the giant shoe to fall out of the sky and knock us down. Or when people say, "Yep, everything is going so well...I'm just waiting for something bad too happen....TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE." Yes, if you say so my friend. Have fun being miserable when "the bad thing" comes along.

When your body starts saying, "Oh, this feels nice." or "I may just sleep ten more minutes..." it says, "This is so good, it must be a sin." Our brains have been warped to condemn ourselves for having too much fun. Since fun must be fruitless. The phrases, "It's not supposed to be fun, it's WORK." and "Well, life's not always fair." "You're having too much fun...." Having too much fun, what the fuck does that mean!? Work better be fun because in order to survive (for most) it's your entire existence. You know what isn't fun, dying and looking at your life and saying..."Well gee, that wasn't that much fun, glad to go!" I'd like to have a sit down with whomever started saying, "....it's sinful" when someone licked chocolate from their fingers and said..."this is so good..so good it's....(loss for words)" SINFUL? That would have hardly been my response. Whoever decided that decadence, JOY, sheer delight, were useless emotions, were sorely mistaken.

Seizing the pleasure for me would mean: sleeping until noon when I felt like it, driving aimlessly down countryside roads, eating dripping-down-the-chin juicy rich mangoes, that extra glass of whisky, sex in the wee hours of the morning, a spoonful of rich chocolate ICING, risking rejection and telling someone I want them, singing LOUDLY, screaming- because it feels AMAZING, licking my fingers, letting someone grab me-kiss me-hug me and hugging them back. Speaking my mind without fear, going for the real thing instead of the low fat crap.Vacationing more often, not feeling obligated, hot chocolate and getting lost in my down comforter. Staying an extra hour or leaving early, curling up or spazzing out. Letting my guard down, crushing it beneath my feet and running bare naked through my entire world. Spending that extra money on the expensive brand and not feeling bad about it. Sweaty palms and dragonflies. Hearts skipping beats, and skipping. Just one more time, again, a little extra and side of that.

Pleasure is something that I let consume me, JUST BECAUSE. And that, is fine by me.