The Bane Of All Existance!

How is it that telemarketers know exactly when I'm at home to call? I swear it's like as if they have an eye trained on me. The first call is never more than 5 mins after i've walked in the front door.


What I think ticks me off the most is getting an early morning call and because i'm still bleary eyed (and most probably hit my shin stumbling to get the phone before the 4th ring), can't quite focus on the number to note that its a ..... yea u got it....a telemarketer asking if i'd donate to this, that or the other or if they could interest me with 0% interest free credit cards or refinancing of my home mortgage, etc....for the last time NO!

Please, please, please dear God, get them to leave me alone! I promise to eat all my peas, say my prayers every night and floss my teeth after every meal. I'll even do a pinky promise on it!

Now, for those of you who are going to 'advise' me about getting my name and number on the do not call list, don't waste your breath. I AM ON THAT LIST ALREADY!

OK, this is how its now gonna go down....

1. Telemarketer: "Hi, my name is Judy and I'm with WXYZ Bank. Would you like a free credit card ma'am?"
Me: Wait for a few seconds and with a real husky voice say, "What colour panties are you wearing right now?"

2. Say "No" over and over. Will be sure to vary the sound of each 'No', and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most fun if I can do it continuously until they hang up.

3. If Insurance company calls trying to get me to sign up for the Family and Friends Package, reply, in a low sinister voice , "I don't have any friends or family, would you like to be my friend or family?"

4. If the company sells cleaning products, respond: "Can you get out blood? Can you get out goat blood? How about human blood?"

5. Answer the phone. As soon as i realize it is a Telemarketer, "Accept God! Save Your soul and get ready for eternal life" ... they will hang up.

6. Tell the Telemarketer i am busy at the moment and ask him/her if he/she will give you his/her home phone number so you can call him/her back. When the Telemarketer explains that telemarketers cannot give out their home numbers say, "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The Telemarketer will agree and you say, "Me either!" Hang up.

7. Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.

8. Tell them it is dinner time, but ask if they would please hold. Put them on speaker phone while i continue to eat at my leisure.

9. Tell the Telemarketer, "Okay, I'll listen to you. While she is talking, make some noises like 'mmmmm'....'oooohhh'...and then say "I'm not wearing any clothes."


Let's see who's got whom now, eh?!? :P