Dedication to Life

I've started this blog post so many times in the past 20 mins and i still can't get a coherent thought running.  That's also because I've a gazillion feelings running through me...confusion, remorse, peace, sadness, anger and the inability to express my thoughts without saying enough or too much.

There are 2 individuals to whom this blog goes out to. The first person...don't do it! It's not worth it, life means more.  I'll make a deal with u, if u walk away I promise to do what i need to in terms of the long run.  No joke, u have my word. Just disappear into the blue yonder and drown yourself in Laphroig :) I'll even buy u the first bottle to get u started.

To my guardian angel, the fight was not with u. I thank u for all you've done. My regret is that you won't take the time to try to understand me. Like i said its something u'll just have to trust me on coz i can't really explain what i did. I hope the blind trust i gave u can be reciprocated. I won't say goodbye coz of what u mean to me but I won't force you either.  Friendships aren't built on that.  To you, I ask that you try to understand me and my actions, cut me a little bit of slack knowing what u know about me and don't be so harsh.

I'm tired, so so very tired.  I want to laugh, i want to dance and I want to live life as i once did. Help me!