The Brazilian That Went South!

(Finally getting around to finishing up entries i've had sitting in my drafts for yonks. Pressure is on with the weekly blog posts on my list :D)


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Time for my three-weekly wax appointment with LiLi. Lili is from Iran and does a brazilian wax better than anyone else on the planet. As soon as I walk in to the salon, a wide smile cracks up her face and her brown eyes twinkle as usual. 

"Nice to see you, despite all the pain you'll be inflicting on me," I tell her as she puts her arm around me and leads me off to the private SPA rooms at the back. 
"Naaawwwww, now don't be like that you big baby," she giggles, "I scream for you, OK."

She does this. It's quite amusing. She'll tear a wax strip off and then screams with me. Every time I flinch, she tuts and shakes her head at me, and if I scream she does as well. But because I've been a good girl and kept my appointments, maintenance work is surprisingly painless. Well, not painless, but not as bad as it could be. Come on, having your lady parts waxed is never going to be painless, but there are degrees of pain and this I can just about handle. 

"OK, now I clean the bum," Lili exclaims and slaps me on the thigh as I'm lying there legs akimbo.
"What?!"
"I see hair, I have to clean them!"
"Clean them?" I ask, bewildered and add "and I can assure you that my bottom is quite clean, thank you very much, you mad woman. I am NOT a hairy chick!"
"I mean clean the HAIR, take it off, we don't want any hair, you want to be monkey?" she almost shouts and looks insulted, then slaps me again. "Legs up!" she commands me and I obey. "Put your hands here and pull apart, yes, good, perfect. Now pain," she informs me and more hot wax is spread on to my most sensitive areas.

Yep, this is where dignity goes to die, right here in Lili's SPA room is where self respect meets its untimely demise, and it is here that I am lying with my legs in the air and spreading my butt cheeks for her. 

After a little glimpse of what hell might be like, I am once again smooth as a baby in all the right places and Lili looks pleased. 

"Ah, yes, perfect!" she announces and stares at her handiwork.

I shoot her an evil glance and cover up.

"Evil bitch," I tell her and giggle.
"Better I see hairy bum than boyfriend."
"I do not have a hairy bum!" I yell, outraged.
"Everyone's hairy. I help. Now it's good. I see you in three weeks, big baby."

I sigh as she gives me a hug before taking me back into the main part of the salon where I pay $60 for the pain and humiliation I have just endured.