Friendship vs Romantic Breakups: Why does it hurt so?

A couple of friends over the past few months have come to me upset and in tears over a break up with their best friend. I've sat with these same friends during times when they've broken up with their boyfriends/girlfriends and honestly their reactions got me thinking...Why is being left by your best friend more painful than being dumped by your boyfriend/girlfriend/lover?

Boyfriends/Girlfriends tend  to come and go as the years go by. As we grow older and our needs change, branch out into our careers and really begin to live our lives, the significant other get different. The dates change from drive-in movies to upscale restaurants, from sodas at the skating rink to cocktails at the club. Only one thing never changes: when the relationship inevitably ends, you call your best friend (i'm not going to equate best friend here as a girlfriend because my best friend is a guy) and have a  good cry.

It is our best friends who help us eventually laugh about the experience, who help us point out all the many little faults in our ex, and who invariably point out "s/he wasn't good enough for you, anyway." Having someone to call at 3am when you're horribly post-break up, standing in the kitchen shovelling french vanilla ice-cream in your mouth, who will tell you quiet honestly that you're beautiful, wonderful, and too great for that loser is the best pick-me-up of all.

So...what do you do when you and your best friend end up breaking up?

No relationship is ever perfect, and in life there are no guarantees that anything will be able to stand the test of time. But there is rarely anything more heart-breaking than losing a very close friend. It is our friends we trust with our darkest secrets, our fears and ideas and dreams. Boyfriends/girlfriends/lovers do not get as close to us as best friends do, not without some serious years invested into the relationship. And it is our friends we fall back on when our romantic relationships fail, our friends who will hold our hands at a parent's funeral and show up in the middle of the night when someone has broken into the car outside.

Attempting a romantic relationship without having a best friend to talk to is like walking a tightrope without a net: there is no emotional support to cushion us if and when we fall. And when there is no romantic relationship to distract us, life can be very lonely going to the movies and out to dinner by yourself. In losing your best firend you lose your closest confidant and closest link to unconditional love. Because, admit it, we have let our best friends see us at our worst - and that's the kind of thing you just don't want to share with a boyfriend/girfriend/lover.

But even friendship is not foolproof, and even the best of all best friends can go their own way. People grow and change, and the closest of friends do drift apart. It can be more painful to lose a best friend than to lose a lover; often, the best friend has been around much longer. So when you lose the one who is closest to you, it can break your heart wide open. Romantic relationships aren't the only relationships that can fall completely apart and seem to halfway destroy us.

We will often go through lovers much more quickly than we will friends, handbags and sometimes even cartons of milk. That's why our relationships always seem so new and fresh and exciting. Does the saying "best not to put all our eggs in one basket" apply here? Do we depend so much on our best friends that we can almost put a strangle-hold on them?

It's true, being left by a best friend is usually more painful than being left by a lover.